Read on for immense spoiling of all things Breaking Bad
CHRIST, Vince Gilligan, you can’t keep doing this to us. The cliffhangers of these final episodes are actually having physical and emotional effects on me. My gut was in a knot for fifteen minutes straight and the mid-shootout throw-to-credits caused me to yell out “NOOOOOO!” in this kind of way.
We’ve made it this far and you already know we’re going to watch every single last second of this to the bitter end, so why do you have to punish us with these hanging cliffs of agony? I’m in a knot of tension, my head is spinning and on top of that, I now have to wait another painful seven days to find out what the shit’s going to happen? Not cool. But also, amazing.
Before we get to that masterful final quarter, let’s do a quick recap of the rest of the episode:
We start with another episode of “Cooking with Todd” and despite him being a murdering sociopath, I was weirdly delighted for Todd that he’d gotten the purity up to 76%. But Lydia still isn’t happy and we’re treated to a nice little exchange about the colour of the batch – “It’s Aqua Marine!” Similar to the waitress from the diner scene a few episodes back, there’s something very unsettling and disturbing about the way Uncle Jack and Kenny look at women. The way their eyes fall on Lydia is hint enough at the danger of these men without it being overplayed. Another potential threat to her emerged from a surprising place, as gentle-but-deadly Todd subtly invaded her personal space and lingered over her lipstick stains. It was classic creepy Todd.
Throw to Jessie and Hank and we find out what Jessie meant last episode when he told Walt “I’m going to hit you where you really live.” He was referring to Walt’s money. This was a strange choice of words. Does Jessie think this is where Walt lives?
Jessie then reveals his master plan to Hank and Gomez…… which is….. find Walt’s money.
A good start Jessie, but not much of a plan really, more of an idea. What you’ve described is just the plot of The Goonies. The real planning comes from Hank, who throughout this episode displayed more classic cop fake-out tricks than a whole season of Murder, She Wrote. There were two major fakeouts that lead to the money and both of them involved picture messages. First, the clever manipulation of Huell, which was both simple in its genius and ludicrous in its execution – I love the thought of Jessie lying on the floor and playing dead amidst a load of animal brains, saying “Cheese”. Second came the camera phone money-shot and amazing “fuck you” phone call from Jessie, resulting in Walter more panicked than we’ve ever seen him.
This episode was all wins for Team Jessie and Hank – starting with Walt’s nasty Brock move being quickly counteracted by Hank and all going downhill from there. By the time Walt is standing over his buried money and the penny drops, it’s hard to see how he’ll luck his way out of this one. The anguish on Walter’s face as he watches Hank arrive is heart-breaking and the decision he made on the call to Uncle Jack came as a genuine surprise. Still raw from the pain of his decision about Jessie, the thought of adding Hank to that death list is too much for Walt and at last, we have found a line he is not willing to cross.
But did any one of us believe that Uncle Jack was just going to leave things be? Armed with the knowledge that he was going to show up eventually, this final scene was underscored with unbearable tension. If anything, the poignancy was almost too on the nose – Jessie pointing out that this was where it all started and Hank’s ominous choice of words to Marie – “It may be a while before I get home.” This was Hank’s moment and the writers allowed him every last second to relish it, before the inevitable happened and we’re lead into what seems like a bit of a one-sided showdown and the most annoying cliffhanger to date.
This next week is going to hurt.
ANOTHER GREAT RINGTONE MOMENT
Todd’s ringtone of choice is Thomas Dolby’s “She Blinded Me With Science,”
DID YOU SEE THE MOUSTACHE ON THIS GUY?
FOUR MORE QUOTES
“Blue is our brand.”
“Fruit Loops. That’s good stuff.”
“How long you gonn be?” “As long as it takes to keep you safe.”