Let me be clear, this is not a list of complaints. I greatly enjoyed Pacific Rim – it was smashingly good fun and a welcome reminder of what massive summer blockbusters used to and should look like.
However, it was undeniably stupid and that stupidity should be celebrated. So here is a list of my favourite moments of Pacific Rim stupidity.
There be spoilers, obviously.
1) The Australian Accents
“Strewth! Gerroutta that Jaeger, ya flamin’ galah, you’ll hit a bloody roo, Bruce!”
2) The Red Shoe Gift
“Remember that terrible, traumatic event that you experienced first-hand when you were a little girl and still haunts you to this day, to the point where you can’t perform the one job that you’ve always wanted to do?”
“Well I’ve got a gift for you! It’s the shoe you were wearing that day, as a constant reminder of the pain.”
“You’ve been keeping my shoe all these years?”
“Yes, I’ve been secreting away your shoes. For Christmas this year, I’ll give you one of the shoes you were wearing when you found out that Santa wasn’t real.”
3) The Ankle-Deep Oceans
I know these robots are big, but not so big that they reduce the Pacific Ocean to a paddling pool. All they needed was an ice cream in one hand and a pair of khakis rolled up to the ankle to complete the illusion of a holidaying middle-aged man too afraid to go for a proper swim in the ocean.
4) Raleigh’s Hands-in-the-belt Strut
The only thing funnier than “Raleigh’s” edam-drenched dialogue was the way he walked. Thumbs tucked into belt like the Marlborough man, shoulders rolling about like they were allergic to his chest. This was the strut of a thousand egotists, massaged with praise and oiled with the unwarranted narcissism of a thousand Danny Dyers.
5) Everyone’s Names
I would imagine these names were meant to be a bit tongue-in-cheek, but they’re remarkably and enjoyably stupid nonetheless. As if Idris Elba didn’t already have a brilliant name, his character has an even better one:
And here’s a few more marvellous monikers:
Dr Newton Geiszler