… here though, you’ll only find a blow-by-blow review of the trailer for Danny Dyer’s new film, “Run for your Wife”
0:07 – We’re told that the imaginatively named John Smith (Danny Dyer, playing himself) LOVES being a taxi driver. Which is representative of the sunny disposition of every taxi driver I’ve ever had the pleasure of meeting.
0:11 – Rolf Harris as a busker. Things are looking up.
0:15 – I didn’t think this was possible, but we’re informed that there’s something Danny Dyer loves more than being a taxi driver – his wife, Denise Van Outen. Remember when we all used to fancy Denise van Outen? That was the 90s, I think.
0:18 – Oh holy shit, he’s got another wife! It’s yer wan from Girls Aloud, I think. Remember when we all used to fancy her? No, I don’t remember either.
0:25 – We’re told that things were going great for our hero Danny Dyer, the happy-go-luck taxi-driving bigamist, until he prevented some poor old homeless woman from being mugged. What a stupid thing to do, apparently.
0:35 – Both wives wake up in the morning wondering where Danny Dyer is, and both ring the exact same police station at the exact same time and say the exact same words, in exact same split screen.
0:44 – Now, all the paparazzi in the UK is after Danny Dyer. “You’ll be on the front page,” he’s told by Neil Morrisey, indicating a complete lack of interesting news on this particular day. Continue reading