Category Archives: Xbox

The 2013 Game Anticipatometer

Last year I invented the Anticipatometer, a method of anticipation-measuring that involves a third-party shouting various movie titles at me while I bounce on a trampoline. A fourth-party then measures the seismic readings of my “leaps for joy”, then feeds that data to a physician who adjusts the measurements according to my size, weight and body mass index. The properties are then ranked accordingly.

Looking back on the 2012 Game Anticipatometer, it reads as a damning indication that long delays have become commonplace in the games industry. Half of the games I was looking forward to in 2012 did not come out in 2012 – Bioshock Infinite, The Last of Us, South Park, Aliens Colonial Marines and Star Trek. Three of those still haven’t been released and have rolled over onto my 2013 list, which you will find… below.

2013 game anticipatometer

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Free Beer and Video Games

I’m sorry, I’m not giving away free beer and video games. Rather, I had free beer and played video games at the IGN AU Black Beta Select Awards on Friday night. I was given a VIP pass despite the fact that I am in no way important, in any capacity.

Wet, Drunk and Very Important

Wet, Drunk and Very Important

There were important people there though, like Master Chief, Mario and Lara Croft. The awards (full results here) were mostly dominated by Halo 4, with the award statues being accepted by people like “Mike from Microsoft”, who probably had little involvement in the game beyond playing his free copy at the Australian office. I’d say he works on Windows 8. Continue reading

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Work/Life/Game Balance

Gaming through the eyes of a non gamer

This is what gaming looks like to somebody who has no idea what gaming is.

As a kid, I spent entire summers with spare hours and disposable days of time with which to plunge my mind into my Super Nintendo or N64. But all this freedom would be split between a small handful of games that had taken me years to acquire; whether through sweating over a lawnmower to slowly earn meagre amounts of cash or relying on annual birthday or Christmas presents. Getting a new game was as rare and sacred an event as the second coming of Christ. Like most of us probably did, I played the same few games so many times that every star in Mario 64, every enemy position in Goldeneye and every one of Ryu’s moves was forever etched into the back of my corneas. Continue reading

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Take that retailers!

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Ya, God forbid the game would get leaked early! Also, I got Halo 4. Excited.

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Remembering Michael Ironside: An Ode

Ok, so he’s not dead or anything. But all my hopes for the new Splinter Cell game are, after learning that Ironside will no longer be voicing super-sleuthy-sly-spy Sam Fisher.

Also, to be fair, this isn’t an ode, but it just sounds like a better thing to do when remembering someone.

Michael Ironside’s grizzly man-vocals were a vital part of the Splinter Cell series and it’s hard to imagine this guy doing a better job. Ubisoft said that because they’ve moved to a mo-cap performance, they needed someone who was the right build to play Sam Fisher.

So not only have they kicked Ironside to the curb, but they’re also saying he’s fat!

I can kind of understand their reasoning, but it just won’t be the same. Listen to the last line of this admittedly very impressive trailer:

“Welcome to Fourth Echelon” sounds like it was said by a 13-year-old kid with a sore throat. Where’s the weariness, the coarseness and the overall bad-assedness of Sam Fisher gone? He sounds like his voice forgot what age his body was. It’s like he swallowed a lozenge filled with Oil of Olay. And Michael Ironside wouldn’t have said something sappy like “Welcome to Fourth Echelon”. He would have said something crazy like “Tell me where my daughter is or I’ll saw your face in half, you son of a bitch!” Continue reading

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Mass effect 3: Can the ending really be that bad?

I still haven’t played Mass Effect 3. In three weeks from now, I’m having my Xbox 360 and Mass Effect save files delivered from Ireland to Dubai, where I will pick them up and return them to my home in Sydney and finally catch up with the rest of the world. A very inelegant and elaborate solution to this problem, but one which I hope will be worth it.

I mean, I’ve heard that the ending has been a massive letdown to 99% of gamers, but can it really be so bad that it ruins everything that has come before, over three games and five years? I wouldn’t think so, but if the balanced opinions of the general public are anything to go by, Bioware have ruined the lives of millions of people in ten little minutes.

Here’s some of the very considered and reasonable opinions available on Amazon’s customer reviews of the game: Continue reading

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Everyone’s talking about Assasin’s Creed III

Assassins Creed 3

Except me.

Me, I’m talking about Assassin’s Creed I. Which I hated.

I picked it up a few years back in a bargain bin, assuming I would like it. I mean, it’s about an assassin and it’s got sci-fi elements, and a cool, period setting. It’s sandboxy, what could go wrong?

And yes, it was pretty great. For the first couple of hours anyway. Then every gamer’s greatest fear crept in: monotonous repetition. Every mission stuck to the exact same formula. Eavesdrop here, pick a pocket there, use the information you get to go find a guy. Kill him. Continue reading

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