Ok, so he’s not dead or anything. But all my hopes for the new Splinter Cell game are, after learning that Ironside will no longer be voicing super-sleuthy-sly-spy Sam Fisher.
Also, to be fair, this isn’t an ode, but it just sounds like a better thing to do when remembering someone.
Michael Ironside’s grizzly man-vocals were a vital part of the Splinter Cell series and it’s hard to imagine this guy doing a better job. Ubisoft said that because they’ve moved to a mo-cap performance, they needed someone who was the right build to play Sam Fisher.
So not only have they kicked Ironside to the curb, but they’re also saying he’s fat!
I can kind of understand their reasoning, but it just won’t be the same. Listen to the last line of this admittedly very impressive trailer:
“Welcome to Fourth Echelon” sounds like it was said by a 13-year-old kid with a sore throat. Where’s the weariness, the coarseness and the overall bad-assedness of Sam Fisher gone? He sounds like his voice forgot what age his body was. It’s like he swallowed a lozenge filled with Oil of Olay. And Michael Ironside wouldn’t have said something sappy like “Welcome to Fourth Echelon”. He would have said something crazy like “Tell me where my daughter is or I’ll saw your face in half, you son of a bitch!” Continue reading
I just saw Ted and I don’t think I’m giving anything away by saying that one of the characters is an overweight child that features fairly prominently and who is mocked consistently for his size.
I always wonder about these kind of roles, and why actors agree to parts that deliberately exploit their physical appearance for laughs. I’m not talking about actors like John Candy or Jorge Garcia whose characters are fat, but this is not their only characteristic. I’m talking about the smaller roles; the actor who will be credited as “Fat Guy No. 3.” in a Farrelly Brothers film. These kind of bit-parts exist only as a visible gag, platform for the leading actor to deliver a punchline or just to be hilarious by virtue of being fat. Hilarious. In some cases, filmmakers don’t even bother to add comedy, the mere presence of a fat person is side-splitting enough to carry a whole scene, or even a whole movie. Continue reading
To be clear, this is not “my thoughts on the film”, these are “some thoughts I had during the film.” Very different things, I think you’ll agree.
Also, spoilers, kinda
- Web shooters are cool
- Andrew Garfield is a better Peter Parker than Tobey Maguire
- Martin Sheen is a better Uncle Ben than both this guy and this guy
- Emma Stone is far less annoying than Kirsten Dunst
- The Lizard look like the goombas from the Super Mario Bros movie
- Why would a high school intern have unrestricted access to a lab that includes a terrorist-friendly, potentially-city-wide-lethal gassing device?
- Why do they keep that same device lying around when Connors says they don’t even use it or need it?
- How easy is it to whip up anti-lizard antitode? Is that already a preloaded option or something?
- Where’s JJJ?
- Who uses Bing?
- Who leaves voicemails that read like state of the nation addresses?
- If you have to do a post-credits sequence, make it something people would actually give a shit about